That night I said that I would write I ended up getting grease ALL over my FAVORITE outfit and it was really depressing and upsetting so I wasn't in the mood to write. But good news! I got most of it out and you can't really tell which is good because like I said it is my favorite outfit. :) So that is what happened a couple of weeks ago and then I got busy studying for exams and getting back into school work after spring break and everything and I now just have a few minutes to write before I need to start studying again. College is CrAzY!!! I didn't think it would be this difficult but don't let it fool ya! It is definitely a killer.
Alright so this is my life right now.... I have college which is rough as you all know. I am in the process of getting everything ready to transfer to a different college which will be closer to home. But I am still in the process of deciding if I want to go on a mission or not. I cannot even begin to tell you how HARD it is to decide if you are going to keep going to school or if you are going to go on a mission. I always knew that if I turned 21 before I got married than I would definitely be going on a mission but now that President Monson has changed the age limit for missionaries I have been SO confused with everything that is happening. I feel so happy when I think about going on a mission and yet I feel so happy when I think about teaching. And so at this moment I can't decide what one I am supposed to do. I have been praying to Heavenly Father like crazy and He isn't giving me an answer yet. I don't think that He is going to give me a straight answer so I think that I just have to decide what I want to do and go with it. But yet it is SO hard to decide what I want to do. It is literally the hardest decision of my life right now deciding if I want to serve a mission or if I want to stay and finish up school.
The hardest part about deciding is that if I decide to go on a mission I may miss an opportunity here at home that I needed or if I decide to stay and go to school I may miss an opportunity out on the mission that I needed. I am going to be meeting with my bishop over the next couple of weeks to try to sort everything out. Hopefully he will have some insight that I could desperately use right now in my life.
Onto another subject... General Conference today was AMAZING! I felt the spirit stronger than I have in awhile and it was the BEST feeling. After the second session ended today I decided to read my patriarchal blessing and I pretty much just bawled the whole time. I haven't really known if I have had my OWN testimony or if I have just been relying on others testimonies. I have been praying for awhile to come to know for myself that the gospel is true and that He really is there and that He is looking out for me. As I was reading my blessing an OVERWHELMING feeling of love and comfort came all over my body. I was almost tingling with warmth. It was amazing. Then I started crying and then I just couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I KNOW without a doubt in my mind and heart that this gospel is true. It is supposed to be on this earth right now and it makes me so sad when I see people not living the gospel. I LOVE hearing converts stories and how they came to know that the gospel is true. We are all converts and I think I had my convert experience this afternoon. I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father is there and that He loves ME! He wants the best for me in my life and He wants me to be so happy. He has a plan for me and even though I have NO idea what He has in store for me I just want to do what is right so that I can receive all the blessings He has promised me. I know He listens to everyone of my prayers and that He genuinely cares about me and my life. I love thinking that even though He knows EVERYTHING that is going to happen to me in my life and all the choices I am going to make and what I am going to do before I even do it He still wants me to tell Him all about it. He loves hearing our voices speak to Him and tell Him all about our day and our life. He loves to hear our frustrations and our accomplishments. He truly wants us to be happy and when we find something that makes us happy He wants to hear all about it! So TELL HIM!!!
My favorite scripture is 2 Nephi 9:39. I LOVE the end of the scripture where it says, "Spiritually-Minded Is Life Eternal." If you look at the first letter of each of those words it spells SMILE. He wants us to be happy! I cannot even begin to explain how happy He wants us to be. He has given us so many things so that we can be happy and that we can live this life joyfully! There is really NO reason for us to be sad.
One of the biggest things that I have learned while being away from my family here at college is that only I can determine how my day is going to go. I am the only one who gets to choose my mood. So many things happen during a day that can get you frustrated, angry, sad or even happy, but only YOU can determine how you will make the situation. Only YOU can tell yourself that you will be happy. Tell yourself EVERYDAY that you are going to be happy and that it will be a good day. I know this may sound cheesy but when I get ready every morning I like to look at myself in the mirror directly in my eyes and tell myself that I am beautiful. You have NO idea how awesome you feel when you compliment yourself every day. It is one of the greatest feelings ever! I started doing that when I lost my best friend in 8th grade. Yes it may sound silly or you may even feel silly at first but it really helps you get through a lot.
I am so sorry that this post is so long over due and that it is so long but I just had to write it out and tell the world how I am feeling! I just want you all to be happy! Love life and SMILE! He loves you, you know that you are a Child of God and you know that you have your own personal navigator helping you along in life. Make sure that you are paying attention so that you can know where He wants you to be!
I love you all even if I don't even know you! Thank you for being who you are and thanks for reading this really long post! SMILE and be happy in life! Life is meant to be enjoyed so remember to keep you Head Held High!
-Kasey :)
Kasey, I am in the same boat. I will start school in the fall, and I am already signed up for classes. But I was like..well..I kinda feel like I should go on a mission... It IS hard! Maybe, look at it this way..at least this is what I am trying: Maybe get all your pre-reqs/generals done, and then go on a mission. That way when you get back, you can just dive right into your major. I don't know how far you are in your schooling, but if I decide I want to go, I feel like that is a good place to start. :-)maybe that will help? i don't know. But just remember that it can't hurt you to go on a mission. It is never a bad thing obviously. so if you decide to go, Great! if not, that is ok too!! :-)
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