More of "Girly" Story

I have had many challenges in my life since I began college. There are a couple big ones that have happened in the past couple of weeks that led me to come up with my blog. Skipping back a few years to help you understand this story a little better we end up at my freshman year of high school. I was so excited to finally be on top. To be the ones that everyone looked up to. But because of things that had happened the previous year with a friend I did not have the best year of my life. You see, this "friend" of mine, we will call her Zena, decided that she did not like me anymore and that she no longer wanted to be my friend. So instead of just telling me this she decided to start spreading rumors about me through the school. Now, thankfully those rumors did not get very far but when I found out about them I was crushed. I did not know how to handle it. I let others drag me down with the looks I thought they gave me, I let myself begin to think that I wasn't pretty enough to get a boyfriend or even anyone who could ever like me that way because of the things Zena had said. I tried out for the big school musical for that year and I was cast as what I knew wasn't a very important part. Our director told everyone that every part was just as important as the lead but I knew that wasn't true. I mean I wasn't trying out for a lead but I was hoping to get a better part than an animal. Being cast as an animal cut me down even more because I once again thought that I wasn't good enough or talented enough to do anything right. I went into the musical with a not so great attitude. As we began rehearsing and getting things ready for the show I began to see that it didn't matter what I was cast as. The show wasn't about me, it was about our cast and how well we worked together. Realizing this helped me with my everyday life as well. I started to see that Zena had no control over my life. She thought she did because she saw how bad her words hurt me but that didn't mean I had to let others drag me down and make me feel bad about myself. Her words didn't make me think I would never get a boyfriend, I made myself think that. And when I realized that I vowed to myself right then and there that I would not have a boyfriend during high school. I didn't want the emotional drama that came with it. I didn't want to have to worry about how I would act around him, what I would wear, etc. Yes I had crushes just as every normal teen girl does but I never let it get more than friend status. Then again there wasn't ever anyone who tried to get past the "just friends" stage with me, for which I am grateful.

Now that you know that you can understand the following a little better. Ever since those feelings of never being able to get a boyfriend came to me in ninth grade, they never really went away. They were always there in the back of my mind and something happened the past couple of weeks that really hit home with that. You see I am in college now which means most of my friends are in college as well. When I thought of college before I came I thought of parties and lots of dating. Schoolwork would get harder but it would be fun. I was wrong about most of that. I have been in college since August and I have not gone on a single date since I have been here. I will be honest, I was excited to go to college because of the cute college boys and there are cute boys but none of whom ask girls on dates. So because of that I haven't been on a date and I really am fine with it. I like having time to study and hang out with my roommates who thankfully I love. But over the past couple of weeks a lot of my friends and acquaintances have either been going on tons of dates and posting their pictures to Facebook or they have been getting engaged. I am always happy for them but each time I see a new picture or engagement it gets me. I have thought, "Why have I not been on any dates yet? How do they have a date almost everyday? How are they engaged already? Why can't I just have a boyfriend or even go on a date?" Silly I know, but it happens almost every time. I have really been beating myself up over this for awhile: until the other day. I was lying in my bed and it just hit me. There is a reason for me not having a boyfriend, or for even going on dates. There is a reason why I am not engaged. I don't know what those reasons are, maybe my future husband is on a mission, maybe he isn't ready yet, I know I am not ready yet so that is a reason. There are a ton of different reasons and I don't want to even think about  what they all could be. I am where I need to be RIGHT NOW and I am glad I am where I am. He really does have a plan for me and even though it doesn't make any sense to me right now, I can't wait to look back and say, "Oh so that is why he kept that from me, I get it now." 

I have a great life and lots of great things and people that I am living for. But most importantly I am living for myself and for Him. I am trying to be the best I can be and I am far from perfect but I am trying. If you are having doubts about yourself like I DID but don't anymore just pray. He is there for you and He will help you out just like He did for me. He probably won't answer you when you want Him to but trust me, He WILL answer. I am so glad that I have been able to keep my Head Held High through these past couple of months and I can't wait to share more of my reasons for keeping my Head Held High throughout life. 

Don't let yourself get down and if you do, just keep your Head Held High and you will get through. =)